6/22/10 INVISIBLE

At 7:45 tonight my phone rang. Now anybody who knows me, knows that I usually head to bed by 8:00 and then read for about a half hour and then crash for the night. So I answer the phone. It is my mother. She is telling me that my sister in law is in the hospital. I ask what happened and she says she doesn't really know. Well, she is in the hospital for a reason, why? She tells me that she had sort of a seizure. What the hell is sort of a seizure??? I ask what she means by that. She passed out, mom knows that for sure. And she is extremely dehydrated. I know that dehydration alone can cause you to pass out. I ask when did this happen, she says Oh we didn't find out until this afternoon. (I talked to mom this afternoon on the phone and nothing was said then about it) Guess it was after that. Then she says, and this is the kicker, "We (meaning her, my sister & brother in law) went down to see her and she doesn't look good at all" HELLO! Did anybody think that I might want to go with you?

This is the treatment I get from my in laws. I expect it from them. But I thought it would not happen with my own family. Although . . . what on earth would give me the idea that things would be different. They never have been.

Mom gets sick and she calls my sister in law. When my brother & sister in law got married I was not even invited to the wedding. My folks went, my sister & her husband went, but I didn't go.

Sometimes I feel like it would be so easy to walk away from them all. Would anyone notice. Seven years ago I basically cut my mother out of my life and she never noticed. Maybe I embarrass them and it just makes life easier if I am not in the picture.

If I am a second thought, DON'T think of me at all!

6/20/10 - 1 Week Down

Well, I said I would post again this week and here I am. Surprise! I did have a very small gain this week, but since I have not been on the scales in two weeks I am taking this for a loss. I was totally on program all week and I worked out 3 times.

I am still on program and today I did a two mile walk. This week I will see a loss.

Today is Fathers Day and I am missing my dad something awful. He has been gone seven years now. Craig went to see his day and I'm jealous. I want to see my dad again. I want to hear his laugh and feel his hug. I hope he new how special he was.

Bambi & Russell took Craig to the movie for Fathers Day. I got to go along too. We saw "Splice". It was actually a pretty good movie.

Tonight I'm setting my alarm for 4:00 a.m. I want to to a couple of miles in the morning before I go to work. I'll let you know how that went.

READY - SET - GO!

This is it. I have drug my feet long enough. I started at the first of the year knowing that vacation would be in October. I had all kinds of time to get in shape. Well it is now 4 months away and I am not any further down the line than I was when I started. I told Craig this morning that I am now 100% on program. This the the time for the "No Excuse Mode". I have to get going and hit it hard. I don't want to have to ask for a seat belt extension for the air plane ride. I don't want to have to sit out from certain rides because I am too fat to ride. I don't want to have to stop every few minutes to rest because I'm so tired or because my back is killing me. I can do this and I will.

I just realized that I have not posted on this since February. My goal was to post every week. I had such big plans. I was going to tell all my feelings and thoughts and post all my life success that I was making happen. Now all I can say is, what happened. I think all the time of things I would love to blog about, but then don't do it. I am the Queen of procrastination. I'll admit it, I'm lazy. I want to put this out and air my feelings, but I just don't. I'm going to change that too. I'm hanging up my crown. No more procrastination. Can I do this?

I CAN! Will I do this? That is the question. All I can say is I will honestly try my best this time. Question for myself: What makes this time different? I don't know. I guess I want it to be different.

Here is the plan. 1. Stay on the WW program. 2. Start getting in at least 3-4 exercise workouts each week. 3. Do it now. No more waiting and putting off. That goes for everything. Paying bills, working out, doing laundry, house work, and working on training program for work. Remember Trish, you are no longer the Queen. Do it now!

OK. I'm posting this and I promise I will be back before the end of the week to let you know how things are going.