April 10, 2011 TOPS SRD

This weekend I went to the TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) State Recognition Day (SRD). It was Friday and Saturday the 8th & 9th of April in Springfield, MO. It is a day TOPS Chapters from all over the State of Missouri join together and celebrate the best weight loss of the year. We have a State King and Queen along with runner ups and a best loser and runner up for each weight Division. At the first weigh in of each year everyone is placed in a Division. For example if you weigh between 200 and 250 you are listed in a specific Division. If at the end of the year you have lost more weight than anyone else in that division you are the division winner. You get your name announced and you get to be on state and read you story. They also have a baggy clothes parade. You have to have lost at least 50 pounds from your highest recorded weight. You have your before clothes on a couple of dow rods and hold them in front of you. You walk to the middle of the stage and they announce your name and give your before size and when they say your after size you hold the old clothes to the side and show yourself in your new smaller size clothes. Some of the transformations are quite shocking. Then you have the graduates. These are all the people who have met their weight loss goal. You get to walk across the stage in your formal and wear a graduation cap. Let me tell you, some of these formals were stunning. I don’t think I could graduate next year, because I would have to reach my goal by the last weigh in of December and I have so much to loose that I just don’t think I could do it. That is only 8 ½ months away. I would have to lose over 13 LB a month. I really don’t think that is going to happen. Every year I go and I say “Next year, I’m going to be on stage.” And when the next year comes, I’m still sitting in the audience, fatter than last year. But this year is going to be different. Next year I AM going to be on stage. I would love to be a Division Winner, but I will at least be in the Baggy Clothes Parade. 50 pounds. I can do 50 pounds. And I will. Friday night part of the program includes a motivational speaker. This year we had Dr. Nick Yphantides as our speaker. He was amazing. His own weight loss story was so moving and really gave me inspiration to get back on track with my own journey. If we had left as soon as he was done speaking, our trip would have been worth it. Thanks Dr. Nick. I hope to see you again some day. My title for this blog is “Becoming” and so far I have been a real disappointment to myself. I have not become anything except a bigger person (and I don’t mean that in a good way) Something touched me at this years SRD and I really have that old desire back to make things work. We got home Saturday night and when I got up Sunday morning I was resolved to start immediately with my new life style. Craig ran to the store to get some steaks to grill for lunch and I was getting hungry. I found myself digging in the cabinets and I was thinking, “Maybe I’ll just have some some of this or that and then I can start full force on Monday”. But you know what? I stopped myself. I said “No”. I drank some water and just waited a little longer and Craig got home and we had steaks and I fixed a nice salad. It was a great lunch and I was actually happy with myself. Waiting another day to start would not have made me happy. Just one more day I was a failure. But not this time. For yesterday any way, I waited. My battle cry for this year is going to be “Just for today”. I can say “No” to a candy bar . . . just for today. I can stop with one helping . . . just for today. I can sing Happy Birthday to someone at work and then walk back to my desk (without cake) . . . just for today. If I don’t eat something that isn’t good for me anyway, it is not going to fall off the face of the earth. That Snickers will still be there tomorrow. I can do this. I will do this. And next year when SRD is in St. Louis, I will be on that stage. CHARGE!!!!!

4/7/11 The issue of Red Bud Trees

Today Craig and I took a couple of days off work to travel to Springfield, MO for a convention. The convention actually doesn't start till tomorrow so we spent most of today at Silver Dollar City which is like an old time town with some amusement park rides. As we were riding there, it's about a 4 hour drive from Kansas City, I got lost watching the scenery. Not lost as in taking a wrong turn, but lost in my own thoughts, I was not driving at the time by the way. Suddenly I noticed a red bud tree. If you are not familiar with red bud trees they are generally small, some no more than bushes, and they are covered with a bunch of little purpleish pink flowers. And I have found that in the spring when you suddenly notice a red bud tree . . . you will now notice a ton of them. It's like you have to see the first one before your eyes can see all the rest of them. Once you notice them, enjoy and appreciate them because as fast as they came, they are gone. Just like when I drive home from work one day and suddenly notice that they have all bloomed over night, one night when I go home I will realize that they are all gone. It always amazes me that they don't appear and dissapear a little at at time. It is all, then nothing. I love the Red Bud Trees. They are beautiful and they add wonderful little splashes of color along the road for our enjoyment. Nature does that alot. I am going to do my best to take time and enjoy it. (Is this like take time to smell the roses? I think so.)

April 1, 2011

Today is April 1. April Fools day. There is lots going on. My cousin’s grandmother (whom she dearly loves) had a major stroke and is not doing well, my friends wife has been diagnosed with colon cancer and will soon have surgery, at work a friends baby is very close and we are planning a shower to welcome her. Yet with everything else going on there is a little whisper in the back of my mind about this day. This is Riley’s birthday. Riley was my dog. Actually he was Craig’s dog. I got him for Craig’s birthday 17 years ago. He was just a little 4 ½ pound ball of fur, but he was ours. He was our first pet we got together in our married life. And even though he was a dog, he was our child. In bed I would lie on my side and hold my arms out in a circle in front of me and he would walk up into my arms and I would hug him. He was always interested in what you might be saying, a good listener. And he was sensitive. If you were upset he wanted to make it better. We lost him 2 years ago on April 13. It doesn’t seem like he should be gone that long. Yet, sometimes it feels like he has been gone forever. Even after 2 years I miss him so much. Somebody said that man should strive to become half the person that their dog thinks they are. In most cases I think that would be pretty hard to do. I could tell when he looked at me that he was my boy and he loved me. I was not worthy of his limitless love and trust, but I sure am glad the he thought I was. "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown